What Can A Dress Teach Us About Empathy, Conflict & Negotiations?

Written by: Reizel Larrea-Alvarez, Emmy Award-Winning Journalist & Founder of Negotiation Synergy™

Remember this?

Famously known as "The Dress", this photo became a viral internet sensation back in 2015 when viewers disagreed over whether the color of the dress was black and blue or white and gold.

If this is your first time seeing this picture, what do you see? Now go ask a few people around you and watch what happens. 

If you have seen it before, then chances are that you, like me, were blown away by the fact that people could look at the same exact picture and yet experience something totally different.

I remember when I first saw The Dress I told my husband it was white and gold and he said he saw it in black and blue. At first, I didn't believe him. I thought he was trying to trick me or pulling a fast one on me. I was certain I was right and he was wrong. 

The Dress is a prime example of perspective. 

So what does this all have to do with conflict and negotiations?

Everything!

Disagreements are bound to come up in the process of negotiating -- in fact, navigating those differences is the reason WHY we negotiate in the first place! However, what tends to happen is that we become wrapped up in ego by assuming that our way of seeing things is the only way there is. Typically, this is the reason why negotiations can sometimes turn sour, get heated and end negatively. 

If your goal is to have a successful negotiation where both parties get what they want together, then it's important to realize that it's not about who's right or who's wrong. It's about perspective. Have an open mind and ask yourself: Is there another way of looking at this? How are they seeing it? What's their perspective?

As human beings, one of our basic needs is to feel understood. Feeling like others understand makes us feel safe, gives us a sense of belonging and establishes trust. On the other hand, when we don't feel understood, conflict arises. The key to any successful negotiation is collaboration and in order to collaborate, you must understand the other party's needs and wants.

Practicing empathy allows you to understand where the other party is coming from and interpret things from their eyes, even if their perspective is completely different from yours.

Now, does practicing empathy mean you have to agree with them? 

No, you can disagree with someone and still have empathy for them. Having empathy means you have opened your mind to considering other perspectives and acknowledge that different ways of looking at a situation exist. It puts you in a state of seeing possibilities instead of limiting yourself to one perspective. In the process of practicing empathy, it is likely that you will learn new information, find areas of common ground with the other party and also identify areas where clarification may be needed. This is how you begin to innovate and find synergy with them in order to negotiate a deal that all parties feel good about.

Practicing empathy is the pathway to gaining insight into the other party as well as making them feel heard, seen and understood by you so that you can collaborate successfully.

So the next time you are in the middle of a negotiation and reach a standstill, remember that perspective is everything and that practicing empathy will lead you to synergy!

Here are 3 Tips to Practice Empathy: